


Silence

by mehs



Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:07:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehs/pseuds/mehs
Summary: John discovers a hard truth of living: you can drown out grief, you can ignore grief, but when grief finds you - it will take you.   Avery Johnson always knew what people needed, and even in death, he knew John better than most.
Kudos: 13





	Silence

There is an uncomfortable silence that comes with reemergence, something that John had to learn the hard way. For so long he was never alone, not really; there was Blue Team, then Johnson, and then Cortana. Or perhaps it was the person that Blue Team once knew was gone that was faded with time that was stuck amongst the debris of the Forward Unto Dawn. 

It wasn’t a sudden deafening. It was loud, at first, the different changes. There were joyous noises: Linda being alive was a joyous noise that came from his chest, Kelly greeting him with a solid punch on the shoulder, Fred greeting him with a firm hand on shoulder and a “welcome back, Brother”. 

For a while, it sustained him. It was music to his ears to be around his family, and he was making himself a new home on Infinity. It was enough for him to drown out the thumping in the back of his head, the pulsating waves where a shard of glass with its many fragments had been jammed in a slot. The headache served as his grief, and he carried it with him not to forget the sacrifice that brought him here. 

Then he met the Spartan IIIs, and met Agent Lopis. The person that they became around the children reminded him of the good times on Reach, but soon it became like he was looking into a world that didn’t belong to him. While he was on Halo, thinking that they were dead, the others were with Kurt (another to rise from the ashes, can he be so upset? Didn’t he do the same thing?) and Mendez. 

If she was here, she would have articulated his feelings of “that’s new”. Hell, Johnson would have already stated the obvious. He was dead and the world moved on without him; he was selfish in hoping that was some semblance of familiarity. 

War as he knew it? Over. 

Blue Team? Changed. 

Cortana, Johnson, Keyes? Dead. 

Spartan? Not the only ones. 

Sometimes he felt that he really wasn’t the John that his siblings knew; the horrors that he had seen on Halo or even with the Didact. Then again, the rational side of his brain knew that he hadn’t experienced those five years that they thought he was dead. 

His head hurt. 

He found himself running on the treadmill on S-Deck during a war games exercise, trying to get some quiet so that he could deal with the headaches. 

Like another fragment within him. 

John however, did not expect for Lasky to come down and see him personally. 

“Captain.” He turned off the treadmill and slid off as it powered down as he stood at attention. 

“You really don’t need to do that, Chief.” Lasky offered his hands up to motion that John could be at ease. 

“Is there something I can help you with, sir?” John asked, not really meeting his gaze for a moment before, meeting his gaze. It helped to have a moment of detachment, a moment to compartmentalize anything that he was feeling before he engaged with another human. 

“Actually, it’s what I can do for you. Walk with me?” Lasky asked as he started his rounds, “It’ll be easier to talk without prying ears.” 

“…. Thank you, sir.” 

They walked in silence for the most part. John slowed his pace, and shortened his steps so that he was walking in step with the captain. 

“While you were MIA, an executor for Avery Johnson’s estate had contacted ONI.” 

John was rarely surprised, but this took him aback. Johnson had an estate? He had heard about the other man’s dreams before, that he would retire one day to a nice house somewhere on Earth that overlooked - overlooked - 

John realized that he was a bad friend; he didn’t remember what Johnson’s dreams were. Guilt made his stomach churn, it felt heavy and he felt - 

“ - Chief?” Lasky asked, pulling him out of his own head, “Not many people react to being a sole inheriter of a ranch with silence.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“You’re a the sole owner of Avery Johnson’s ranch in - ”

Own? Him? Johnson? He didn’t know how to react to it, if he didn’t know better he would feel like he would need to sit down for a moment. 

“He left you this message, Chief. Should you want to use a private room to view it, you’re free to use my stateroom.” 

It took bin hours to finally get the courage to go to Captain’s quarters to look at the holo that stood in front of him. Johnson’s visage gave him some pause, maybe even a little comfort. 

He was as he always was to John; standing tall and proud, yet relaxed in his own body unlike John who always felt that he didn’t belong in the space that he was in. John inhaled as he turned it on and sat back as his friend started to talk. 

Damn, I hope you’re not watching this John. I kinda hoped that I would tape over this with something else, like watching you in a walker fall down. 

John felt like he relaxed for the first time in almost six years. 

_I’m leaving you my ranch because I can’t think of anyone who would need to leave this more. I can say things like I lived a full life, because I did and I didn’t. Maybe Aliza and I would have settled down if I chose them over the UNSC. Or maybe I could finally become that musician. Who knows?_

_War is a black hole, and you’ve been in it for almost all your life. It is horrible with what you see day in and day out, but I think - it’s comforting for you. You know what you’re getting with war. It’s the living part that’s hard._

_Now, I know you. You’re never going to stop until someone finally stops you, but do something with this. And with your life._

Johnson relaxed on whatever it was that he was leaning against and lit a cigar before looking at it smirking. He never looked back up at whatever was recording him, a stared at the cigar in his hand. 

_Always thought that I’d share one of these with you one day._

He inhaled for a moment before staring right at the camera, his eyes were misty and John could feel those floodgates at grief opening. 

_John, I have known you since you were a kid, and - damn, I’m choking myself up - you are and always will be my friend._

For the first time in a long time, John allowed himself a loud exhale - the equivalent of any person letting go. John allowed himself this silence.


End file.
